


make believe it's hyperreal

by rudelove



Category: Monsta X (Band), No.MERCY (TV)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Minor Violence, Sexual Content, Smoking, Unreal AU, kihyuk being awful, wonho's tattoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 19:04:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9338810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudelove/pseuds/rudelove
Summary: It’s not Kihyun’s job to care, but with Hoseok around — it’s kind of hard not to.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [blue_moon_2](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/blue_moon_2) collection. 



> **Prompt:**  
>  Jan 15th, 2017
> 
>  
> 
>  **or** ; the unreal slash no mercy inspired au literally no one asked for.
> 
>  **warnings** for implied suicide of an oc (though the gory details aren't mentioned at all) and for dumb boys punching each other in the face.
> 
> the age difference tagged is between kihyun and wonho (five years); the ages of the characters and the events of no mercy have been changed for the sake of the story. ik jeonghan and smol bean josh are kinda random but, oh well. oh, and k.will (hyungsoo) was like the only person i could think of that would be evil enough for the role, so. sorry u___u

The sun is just about to rise when they land in Incheon, but the weather is already unbearably hot and humid, making the shirt Kihyun is wearing stick to his body like an extra layer of skin. There’s that familiar smell of summer rain lingering in the rain that reminds Kihyun of his childhood, bringing back memories of jumping around barefoot in puddles and running over the wet, freshly-cut grass in his Grandma’s garden.

“How did we end up back here?” Kihyun asks once he snaps out of his reverie, speaking mostly to himself, not expecting an answer in return.

“Because we fucked up?” Minhyuk offers anyway.

Kihyun turns to give him a blank look over his shoulder, lacking the energy necessary to actually stare Minhyuk down more threateningly after a fourteen-hour flight. He takes the sunglasses from where they are hanging off the front of his shirt and puts them on, hiking the strap of his messenger bag higher up his shoulder so it doesn’t slip off.

“Let’s go,” he says and leaves without bothering to wait for Minhyuk to follow after him, the knot in his stomach twisting tighter with every step forward he takes.

 

  
  
-

 

 

They only free time they get between arriving in Seoul and the meeting with their new executive producer is an hour, during which they only get to drop off their luggage into their hotel room and take a quick shower, put on a fresh change of clothes so they appear more presentable.

Kihyun dries his hair with a towel, downs a painkiller and runs off to the Starbucks across the street to get himself a coffee to go before the van the production company sent for them arrives and it's time for them to go.

The ride over to _MNET_ ’s building is quiet, for the most part.

Minhyuk complains about how Kihyun didn’t bother to ask him whether he wanted something too, like coffee, or maybe a tea, something to eat. “You don’t drink tea,” Kihyun simply points out with a shrug, making Minhyuk scoff in his seat, arms crossed across his chest petulantly. He calls Kihyun a jerk but Kihyun brushes it off, passes the cup over to Minhyuk to let him have a sip so he would stop complaining for the time being.

Minhyuk sings along to the song playing on the radio, some generic Korean song Kihyun doesn’t recognize. He stares out of the window and tunes Minhyuk out, trying to relax and clear his brain, taking deep, even breaths to calm himself down every time he’s reminded of where they’re heading.

“Are you feeling nervous?” Minhyuk asks once a heart-wrenching ballad comes on and he's no longer entertained, turning around to look at Kihyun instead.

“No,” he shrugs, lying through his teeth, “not really.”

He can see Minhyuk fiddling with the rips in his jeans, twisting the loose threads around his fingers over and over again, leg bouncing up and down restlessly. “You?” He asks, even though the answer is pretty obvious.

“Uhm. Kinda.” Minhyuk worries on his bottom lip. “We really fucked up this time, didn’t we?”

Kihyun turns his attention back to the endless row of skyscrapers they drive by, the city nothing but a familiar blur of concrete and glass, making Kihyun’s head go dizzy again.

“Yeah,” he says. “We really did.”

 

  
  
-

 

 

The meeting drags on for hours, and Kihyun is starving by the time it’s over, head pounding and stomach churning.

They go over the script, pick out the final lineup of contestants, argue over the name of the show until Hyungsoo - their new boss - slams his fist on the table, effectively silencing everyone in the room.

“The name isn’t going to change,” he says with an exasperated sigh, “now stop arguing and get back to work.”

 

“Isn’t it a bit harsh to eliminate someone every episode?” Kihyun overhears one of the young interns - Jisoo, or whatever - ask the girl in charge of marketing during the break.

Kihyun exchanges a look with Minhyuk, quirks a brow in amusement when Minhyuk lets out a little scoff.

“This isn’t _M Countdown_ ,” Minhyuk says with a saccharine-sweet voice as he sets down the coffee pot down on the table. He's doing that thing Kihyun has always been both amazed and terrified by, where he acts friendly and puts on a cheery smile, his words the exact opposite. “This is reality television, kid. Either you have the stomach for it, or you don’t.”

The guy blinks, eyes wide. His upper lip quivers as he opens and closes his mouth a few times, stuttering when he finally manages to get the words out. “Bu—But, I know—But—”

“It’s not too late to get out,” Minhyuk shrugs easily, smile razor sharp. He tears a piece of Kihyun’s bagel and pops it in his mouth, frowning when he realizes there are cranberries in it. “Don’t come in tomorrow if you’re not prepared. You can always get your internship credits someplace else.”

The kid nods, apologizes with a slight bow of his head and runs off to the other side of the conference room where the rest of the interns are gathered around in a small circle, all of their heads turned in their direction to see what all the commotion is about.  

“Was that too harsh?” Minhyuk asks as he tears open a sugar packet and dumps its contents into his coffee cup, doesn't bother to stir it in.

Kihyun snorts. Minhyuk has said and done a lot of fucked up shit during the years they’ve known each other; this little chat he had with the poor intern is nowhere near harsh, miles from it. “I think you are starting to lose your touch.”

“Fuck off.” Minhyuk laughs, tossing the crumpled empty packet into Kihyun’s face.

 

The rest of the meeting goes well, with minor arguments between two of the younger producers over the choice of sponsors and the list of celebrities they are going to get to guest on the show as judges. Minhyuk butts in from time to time to argue over names of artists Kihyun has never heard before, but that's mostly it.

Hyungsoo makes the two of them stay behind afterwards, gives them a long, boring speech about how they’re not in Hollywood anymore and they better behave if they don’t want to get fired for real this time around—the usual.

“What a fucking asshole,” Minhyuk grunts, stretching his arms over his head once they are in the elevator and on their way out, twisting his body from one side to another, shirt lifting up from where it’s been tucked neatly into his jeans.

“Wanna get something to eat?” He asks, voice strained. “There used to be a really good restaurant around the corner.”

Kihyun nods, lets the growl his stomach makes do all the talking. Actual food sounds more than appealing right now.

 

 

  
-  


 

A week has passed and the feeling of dread and anxiousness still hasn’t gone away. Coming back home is always the same, whether he’s staying in the country only for a few days or a few months like this time.

He doesn’t call his mother until they’ve finally settled in and the jet lag has worn off, once things at work are less hectic and he has half a day to spare to go back home and visit his family.

He lets Minhyuk tag along, who has been whining about a good home-cooked meal since their first day back, thinking it wouldn’t be too awkward if he has someone with him as backup.

The thing is, this is the place where he and Minhyuk ran away from during college, looking for something bigger than what home had to offer them. What started off as a semester abroad in L.A. turned into seven years, a steady job and a shared apartment. Kihyun only came back for his grandpa's funeral and his cousin’s wedding, all in the span of a year, and didn’t plan on coming any time soon before he— _they_ were forced to a few months ago.

He lies to his mother, tells her it was his decision to take the job here instead of the truth and making her worry even more. The truth is, they didn’t really have a choice; it was either this or getting sacked, having to start from the bottom and build themselves up all over again, and Kihyun has sacrificed so much, spent years getting people’s coffee orders and taking pets to the vet for a checkup before he could call himself a producer.

He—Minhyuk too—worked too hard to let things go without a fight.

“You’ve gotten so thin,” his mother frowns as she pats his face, pressing one last kiss to his cheek before he leaves. “Don’t forget to eat, Kihyunnie.”

It makes Kihyun’s heart tighten, guilt settling in the back of his throat. “I will, mom. You don’t have to worry so much about me.”

  

They grab a few beers once they make it back to their hotel, drink them on the balcony with their feet propped up on the ledge. Minhyuk is talking, telling him something about work—some new piece of gossip he managed to overhear from the interns, no doubt, but Kihyun is too tired to pay attention.

It’s late and he’s had a very long day. He just wants to relax, find a better kind of distraction from home and work than Minhyuk going on and on about contracts and digging up dirt on their contestants.

He sets his beer down on the table between their chairs, the loud clang of glass against marble silencing Minhyuk up. “Where are you going?” Minhyuk asks, lips wet and pouty.

Kihyun takes Minhyuk’s beer out of his hand and sets it down on the table as well, crawls onto Minhyuk’s lap and kisses him, doesn’t bother offering any explanations for his actions. Minhyuk grins, kisses Kihyun back, slides his hands down the back of Kihyun’s shorts with practiced ease.

Their history together is long and messy. They’ve gone from being enemies to best friends, and somewhere along the way they ended up dating for months before realizing it. It was only natural, Kihyun supposes. They’ve always drifted towards each other, even at the beginning when they—mostly just Kihyun—hated each other’s guts. Their relationship barely lasted a year, because while they might make the perfect team as friends or at work, their clashing personalities and their constant need to compete with each other were simply too much for their romantic relationship to handle.

They have an agreement, though, free to fool around together when neither of them is seeing anyone else on the side, something they find themselves going back to more often than not.

“So,” Minhyuk breathes out in between kisses, “we’re doing this again?”

“If you want to.” Kihyun speaks against Minhyuk’s throat, licks a stripe up the side before pulling back. “Do you?”

“Okay. Why not.” Minhyuk shrugs, giving Kihyun’s ass a firm squeeze, putting an end to their conversation.

 

 

-

 

 

The contracts have been signed, the paperwork taken care of, cameras already in place and waiting to start rolling. The only thing left to do now is to finish filming the introductory videos for the trainees and post them online, do some media play during the month or so it’s going to take for the show to start.

There are ten trainees in total, split into two teams between Kihyun and Minhyuk. It’s their job to look after them, to conduct their interviews every day and keep them on a leash so they don’t fuck something up. It’s the same as how they used to operate on the set of _Enchanted_ , the reality dating show they worked on back in L.A., except there were more teams with only three contestants and they were allowed to bet money against each other.

But as it turns out, filming bad reality television targeting the adolescent female population isn’t very different from filming even worse reality television for the female demographic between the ages of 18 to 49. But instead of all the glitz and glamour and designer dresses, there’s the dimly lit practice rooms and the three-bedroom dorm where all ten of the contestants are going to live during the next few months.

The goal is the same: create drama where there isn’t any and get people invested in it. The process is pretty much the same as well, except there are lines here they shouldn’t cross no matter what, a long list of rules to follow.

Kihyun’s job would’ve been much easier if he was doing it in Hollywood and wasn’t forced to censor himself, but then again, no one there would’ve been as interested in a bunch of kids competing to become idols as people here do, so.

The pay is different here, smaller than the checks and bonuses he and Minhyuk are used to bargaining over like they did back in L.A., but it comes with the territory, just one more part of their overall punishment. Being here is a setback. A child could do this show with its eyes closed and arms tied behind its back; that’s how much of a no-brainer it is. Kihyun could do it in his sleep.

 

 

-

 

 

The first meeting with the contestants goes off without a hitch. They ask the trainees to introduce themselves, say their name and age, their hopes and dreams, share something about their lives before coming onto the show, and it’s mostly the same story with each of them. _I want to become a singer_ , or _I want to dance_ ; _it’s always been my dream, my passion since I was a kid_.

Kihyun’s heard it all before, and so have the viewers. _No Mercy_ is far from being the first survival show, but it’s their job to make it the best one. So when Hyungsoo asks them for tears, it’s their job to give the man what he asked for.

Yoonho starts crying five minutes into his interview, wiping at the tears running down his face with the heels of his palms, but it’s far from being the emotional heart-wrenching content Hyungsoo is looking for. Yoonho talks about his life, how he has juggled going to school and practicing every day for the past seven years, how much he misses his parents—the generic sob story Kihyun has heard in the other survival shows he watched before coming here.

“Man, that was really sad.” Jisoo—the same intern who got scolded by Minhyuk—sniffs from behind him and Kihyun resists the urge to tell him to get out and preferably not come back until he’s grown a pair. Kihyun simply rolls his eyes and calls for the next member to come on set, tells Jisoo to go check the kid’s mic to get him stop whining like a kicked puppy to everyone who’s willing to listen.

“Make yourself comfortable,” Kihyun greets the last trainee from his team he has to interview for today. “Do you want some water, or anything?”

“I’m good, thanks.” The kid smiles nervously, keeping his back straight, palms on his knees, fingers spread wide.

“Have you ever done anything like this before?” Kihyun asks, trying to ease the guy a bit, offering a helpful smile. “Had an interview of some sort?”

“When I was in high school?” He scratches at his face sheepishly. “But it was for the swim team, nothing important like this.”

Kihyun nods; he remembers it well. Out of all the files and profiles Kihyun had to read about the trainees, this one stuck out to him the most. Second oldest and the person all of the trainees at the company look up to the most, captain of the swim team in high school, a self-taught composer. “Let’s start with the basics, okay? Start by introducing yourself.”

“Okay.” He smiles. “My name is Shin Hoseok—but everyone calls me Wonho. I’m 22 years old and I’ve been a trainee for the past—” he pauses for a second, as if he’s doing the math in his head before continuing, “—well, about 3 years now.”

It goes on for a while, about what his dreams are, his talents and hobbies—the usual. He’s a natural in front of the cameras once he’s had the chance to loosen up a little, smiling easily the entire time, charismatic and honest, doesn’t put on a show like the others before him had done. He’s very easy to read, wears his heart on his sleeve, something Kihyun comes to realize will be very easy to exploit.

So when Hoseok mentions his parents, when he starts talking about how much he adores and respects his mother, Kihyun goes in for the kill. It’s nothing personal, far from it. He’s just doing what his boss wants and what’s going to secure Hoseok the spot in the group. The way Kihyun sees it, he’s only doing Hoseok a favor.

“Has it been hard on your parents?” Kihyun makes a sad face, leaning a little closer to Hoseok to make it look like he genuinely cares about what he has to say.

“Yeah,” Hoseok sniffs, wiping at the single tear that is starting to run down his left cheek. “My mom had to work two jobs to take care of my and my brother.

“Why do you think _you_ should be the one to debut?” Kihyun asks him, the same question he asked all of the other trainees before him.

“I have to debut, this is my last chance. I’m getting too old to become a singer and I’ve sacrificed too much to give up now.” Hoseok’s voice is shaky, breaks a few times. More tears are starting to drip down his face and this is it, Kihyun thinks, _this_ is his chance.

“Do you think your parents will be disappointed in you if you don’t debut?” He pushes almost instantly.

Hoseok looks down at where his hands are clasped tightly in his lap, shoulders shaking. “I—I don’t—” And he’s sobbing now, crying so hard he can’t even get the words out without choking on them. “I’m so—I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Kihyun can’t tell if he’s apologizing to his parents or to the crew, but it makes something nasty twist in his stomach, throat going tight.

He grabs the box of tissues and gets off his seat, gives Hoseok’s back an awkward pat as he passes the tissues over to him. “Would you like to take a break?” He asks gently and helps Hoseok get up, keeping his hand at the small of Hoseok’s back as they go outside, away from all of the cameras and nosy crew members.

“It’s okay.” Kihyun says quietly, trying to comfort Hoseok.

He cries for a while, takes him some time to stop shaking like a leaf. Kihyun stays there by his side through it all, albeit a little awkwardly, offering his silent comfort, not allowing himself to say or do something he might regret later on.

Hoseok thanks him in the end, after he’s composed himself and stopped crying. The foundation that was caked on his face prior to the interview has melted off in streaks thanks to the tears, his eyes red-rimmed and puffy. “Sorry for…” he trails off, clearing his throat. “Should we go back now?”

“No, we got all we needed today.” Kihyun waves him off, quickly adopting a sympathetic smile on his face. “You can go, if you want.”

The grateful little smile Hoseok gives him before walking away haunts Kihyun for the rest of the day.

  
  
“I made three of my kids cry today. It was wonderful.” Minhyuk brags as they are getting ready to leave, beaming like it’s something to be proud of.

And it would’ve been, six months ago. They would’ve placed a bet beforehand, would’ve tried their hardest to beat the other one and not give a single damn whether they would hurt someone in the process or not. Things were much different six months ago, easier to live with.

But there’s something about it this time, making people cry on purpose that makes Kihyun feel sick to his stomach, disgusted with himself for the first time in years. Maybe it’s because of what happened during _Enchanted_ ’s last season and this is the aftermath, or maybe he is just starting to lose his touch.

Kihyun laughs, changes the subject on purpose. “Let’s go out.” He suggests on a whim. He needs a drink—preferably more—and he can’t even remember the last time he went out.

“We have to get up early tomorrow.” Minhyuk says matter-of-factly.

“So?” Kihyun snorts. “When has that ever been a problem for you?”

Minhyuk is eyeing him curiously, face blank for a few moments during which Kihyun fears he will start asking him questions, try to pry the answers out of him until he’s satisfied enough. But he doesn’t ask anything, just grins big and bright and throws one of his arms over Kihyun’s shoulders. “Hell no!” He laughs. “I haven’t seen you get wasted in ages, anyway.”

 

Later, after they get messed up in a dingy college bar somewhere in Hongdae and they collapse onto the first bed they see in a heap of tangled limbs, Kihyun finds it easy to say things he shouldn't. “It made me feel guilty,” he says and doesn't bother elaborating any further.

And it's fine, because Minhyuk doesn't ask him to anyway. He leans in to kiss Kihyun and ends up missing his mouth by an inch, pressing a slobbery kiss to Kihyun’s cheek instead, before rolling over and burying his face in his pillow, falling asleep almost instantly.

It's fine, Kihyun reassures himself before drifting off as well. It's not like either one of them is going to remember this in the morning.

 

 

-

 

They work long hours, still as hectic, but the perks of filming in a building and practice rooms with little or no windows, is that you can shoot the trainees and their flushed, sweaty faces and pass it off as two in the morning instead of twelve hours prior. No one is going to know about it and no one’s going to tell, either.

One of the first things Kihyun had learned when he was just getting his career started, is that people will buy whatever you sell to them as long as it’s believable. It is his job to make it that way.

Which isn’t that hard to accomplish, considering almost all of them practically live in the practice rooms and work for almost eighteen hours a day. No amount of makeup can cover the dark circles and give their eyes back that lively sparkle. They pour their blood, sweat and tears into it, get bruised and broken, fall over and over again, pick themselves up every time like nothing had happened. They barely sleep or eat; half of them can’t even afford to. There is no giving up now. No matter what, no matter how exhausted they get, they simply keep pushing themselves further until they make their dreams turn into reality.

It’s admiring, really, the passion and determination these kids have. “We never had to work this hard when we were trying to make it into the business, did we?” He asks Minhyuk one night, after Hoseok had to be taken to the doctor to get his throat checked out.

Kihyun is in the waiting room with a few crew members waiting for Hoseok to be finished so they could get it on camera; the tired, defeated look on his face, the way his shoulders sag as he closes the door and walks out. They are going to edit the footage out, slow it down, play some dramatic music over it and use it as a teaser for some of the upcoming episodes. His fans are going to be so worried and heartbroken, they wouldn’t be able to resist watching the next episode to find out if he’s alright or not.

“It’s different,” comes Minhyuk’s voice over the speaker, a little . “Our work isn’t as physically demanding like theirs is.”

“Sure…” Kihyun trails off, walks further down the hallway where no one would be able to hear his conversation. “But doesn’t it make you feel a bit bad? These kids have sacrificed so much just to get to where they are right now, and they don’t even know for sure if they are going to make it. After everything that happened...”

There’s a long silence coming from the other end of the line. Kihyun would’ve checked if Minhyuk had hung up, except he can hear him breathing, the steady rhythm in which he’s tapping his fingers against his desk, probably. “They signed up for it themselves,” Minhyuk finally says, “and it’s not like we are the ones making them work harder. They’ve been doing this shit for years. The only difference is that now there’s someone there to document it.”

“And edit it until the entire truth is twisted beyond repair,” Kihyun hums, nodding along in agreement even if Minhyuk can’t see him. “Yeah.” The door opens and Kihyun spins around, points at the cameraman to start rolling again. “Okay, I gotta go. Talk to you later.”

“See you when you get home.” Minhyuk says through a yawn and Kihyun scoffs, hanging up. _Home_ , like Seoul or their room at the hotel count as a home. Not even L.A. counts as home, but it’s maybe the closest thing to one Kihyun will ever have.

“What did the doctor say?” Kihyun asks Hoseok, starts guiding him towards the elevators.

“That I should rest my voice for a while.” Hoseok puts the face mask back on and shoves his hands deep in the pockets of his hoodie, putting an end to their conversation.

Kihyun doesn’t push him this time around, lets the heartbreaking look in Hoseok’s eyes to do all the talking.  
  


 

-

 

 

The filming of the first episode goes smoothly, passing by in a blur of blinding lights and the constant chatter of people running around like headless chickens. Kihyun didn’t really know what to expect before walking in on set on the first day, but it’s nice, working again after months of doing nothing. It gets his mind off things, keeps him busy and distracted enough to forget about all the things that have been haunting him lately.

He takes his earpiece off at the end, once they are getting ready to go to a group celebratory dinner with the rest of the crew, and rubs over his ear with his knuckles to ease that dull ache, sighing contently. God, he forgot how good that felt. He tells Minhyuk about it who nods in agreement, rolling his neck from one side to another, eyes scrunched shut.

“I never thought I would say this,” he grins, his voice a little strained when he starts to stretch his arms next, “but I really fucking missed it. All of it.”

Kihyun forces himself to smile and turns around before Minhyuk could tell he’s faking it. He feels more settled down, now that production has officially begun and he’s finally able to go back to a routine he’s more than familiar with, but that tension in his stomach hasn’t eased up, not a bit.

“Are you ready?” Minhyuk asks as he pockets his phone. “Everyone else is probably already waiting for us downstairs.”

“Yeah.” Kihyun grabs his messenger bag from his desk, puts his phone in his back pocket and turns the lights off, following Minhyuk out of the office.

 

  
  
-

 

 

Kihyun has been working on location for years, traveled to the most exotic corners of the world, worked in tents and vans, slept on park benches in between takes. Working in a confined, limited space such as the _Starship_ building is challenging, takes some time to get used to running around cramped hallways while trying your best not to trip over any cables or tripods.  

It gets hard to breathe sometimes, especially in the production room surrounded by all the computers and equipment, where it gets too hot too fast, suffocating, even. It only takes Kihyun a few days to find some secret spots in dark corners of the building where he could be on his own, light a cigarette and just sit there, doing nothing for a few minutes before Minhyuk’s voice—often Hyungsoo’s—croaks from the walkie-talkie strapped to his belt and demands he comes back on set immediately.

It takes only a few days for his secret hiding spot in the agency's building to be found by others.

“You’re not supposed to smoke in here,” says a familiar voice, startling Kihyun out of his daze. Kihyun gets up from where he’d been crouching on the ground, taking one last drag from the cigarette before flicking it off, grinding the heel of his shoes over it. “The smoke detectors don’t work, but still.”

Kihyun turns around, finds Hoseok leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest, amusement making his eyes sparkle. “What are you doing down here?” Kihyun asks, taking another cigarette out from his pocket. “You smoke?” He asks, offering one to Hoseok who simply waves him off.

“Not anymore, remember?” Hoseok quirks a brow. “Not after—You know.”

“Yeah, of course.” Kihyun hums.

He’s read all of their files, seen all incriminating pictures and videos, read all of the social media posts they’ve made over the years. Just days before the show officially started, several online communities were flooded with dirt on the trainees, half of which were about Hoseok alone. It took their PR team all day to get things a little under control, only two hours to issue a press release.

“Are the interviews over?” Kihyun asks to break the awkward silence. “How did it go?”

“Fine,” Hoseok rubs at the back of his neck sheepishly. “It's still a little weird to talk about our days and about my friends behind their backs like that.”

And there it is again, that sudden need to reassure Hoseok, tell him everything is going to be alright. “You'll get used to it,” Kihyun says despite himself and clears his throat once the words have left his mouth, shrugs disinterestedly as he takes one last drag from his cigarette before flicking it away like the previous one, not even halfway done with it. “Better get used to it now than later, right? It's only going to get worse once you debut.”

“I know.” Hoseok nods, straightening up on instinct when Kihyun walks past him, the expression on his face falling. “I'll work harder.” He says, bowing.

“Good.” Kihyun pats him awkwardly on the shoulder and turns around the corner, making his way upstairs before Minhyuk starts looking for him and sends a search party.

 

  
  
-

 

 

The first two episodes are a success, the ratings higher than what all previous survival shows have gotten. There are already fans waiting for the trainees to leave the building, trying to take a picture of their favorite members, give them all sorts of presents and handwritten letters.

The following the show gets is insane, unlike anything Kihyun has ever seen before. Granted, he wasn't very enthusiastic about the job in the first place and had very low expectations, but now, with all the love and media exposure the show has been getting, Kihyun realizes that he shouldn't have worried so much. It makes getting up in the morning and going to work easier.

They are editing the previews for the third episode and about to call it a day when Hyungsoo comes blasting through the door without as much as a hello, and demands to see more tears and drama in the next episode if they don’t want to get fired.

“Don't be fooled by the ratings,” he practically shouts, “because they will drop if you keep selling the viewers the same bullshit! I want something gut-wrenching! I want real tears, I want passion! Make it happen, people!”

Minhyuk and Kihyun end up pulling an all nighter the following day. Even Jeonghan returns from his weekend getaway with his girlfriend sooner than he’d planned to help out. He brings food and coffee, and wheels over another whiteboard from the office next to theirs so they could have more space to brainstorm.

“Let's stage a fight,” Minhyuk suggests for the eighteenth time tonight, eyes wide and crazy-like from all the caffeine rushing through his veins. “I wanna see blood. I miss it so much.”

“Minhyuk, this isn't _Enchanted_.” Kihyun scoffs. “We can’t do that shit here.”

Blood, nudity, drugs, sex—that all meant extra money back in L.A., bonuses that made the job and the show more exciting. But they can't do any of that here with the risk of getting the show’s rating up and moving it up to a time slot which would ruin everything.

“So?” Minhyuk frowns. “We are going to get so many views.”

“He's got a point.” Jeonghan hums around the straw he’s been gnawing at for the past ten minutes. “But we need to find a way to keep it all under control so we don't get in trouble. I'll talk to the guys in legal first thing tomorrow, just in case.”

“Looks like we have a winner!” Minhyuk claps his hands in glee.

He gets up from his chair and goes back to the whiteboard, crosses out all other options and circles _fight_ with a bright red marker three times for that extra emphasis.

It reminds Kihyun of back home, how they used to stay up all night and day until they managed to find a solution to their problems, how they would grab a beer or two by the pool once they were over and crawl into bed together the second they got back to their apartment.

Except it’s almost five in the morning now and they have to be back to work at eight, and they fall face-first onto the first bed they see. Kihyun is so out of it that he doesn’t care whose bed it is, barely has it in him to kick his shoes off before falling asleep with his face pressed against Minhyuk’s shoulder.

 

 

-

 

 

He bumps into Hoseok again, at the same hallway down in the basement as last time. Kihyun doesn’t bother getting rid of the cigarette this time.

“Why did I have a feeling I would find you down here again?” Hoseok asks with a little laugh, leaning against the wall with his arm crossed like he’d done the first time.

“Was that why you came here?” Kihyun teases, biting at the corner of his lip. “Were you looking for me?”

“No.” Hoseok says easily. The smile on his face widens, just a little.

Kihyun finds it incredibly attractive. An image of Hoseok stripping off his shirt on stage for Hyorin flashes through Kihyun’s head and he has to shake it off quickly before his mind could wander off to places it really shouldn’t.

“Then why? Why are you here?” Kihyun quirks a brow, lightly tapping at the cigarette with his forefinger to flick the ash off, trying to appear casual.

“I come here to think.” Hoseok says. “Half of the people here don’t even know this place exists. It’s like my hiding place. Or, was.”

“Do you want me to leave then?” Kihyun asks, mostly to appear polite than anything else.

Hoseok shrugs lazily. “No, not really.” He smiles again, that charming smile of his that makes him so popular with their viewers, the same one Kihyun often catches himself thinking about.

Kihyun nods, opens his mouth to speak when Jeonghan’s voice comes through the comms, making the earpiece crackle against his shirt. “Kihyun! Come upstairs _immediately_ , we have a problem!” He screeches, and Kihyun takes one long, final draw before throwing the cigarette on the ground.

“Gotta go.” He explains as he pushes his way past Hoseok. “Don’t forget,” he stops right as he’s about to turn around the corner and disappear, “interviews are at four today. Don’t be late.”

“What’s the emergency?” Kihyun asks once he goes back to the office. He’s panting, out of breath from having to run up four flights of stairs.

“We just got a memo from _Starship_ ,” Jeonghan pushes himself off his desk and shoves a piece of paper in Kihyun’s face. He wrinkles his nose in distaste, says a quick, “god, you stink,” before getting to the point. “They have decided on the final lineup.”

“What?” Kihyun murmurs, taking the document from Jeonghan’s hands to see what it’s all about, skims over it quickly only to realize that what Jeonghan said is true.

They had decided on a team of five members that will get to debut, which isn’t surprising; all reality shows are rigged and everything is decided months in advance, but the deal was that they would wait until at least the fifth episode had aired to decide, see what the public opinion is like.

The want two trainees out before episode four, and they are at their third—which isn’t supposed to air for another two and a half days—and this means they will have to speed things up in order to give people in chargewhat they want.

“Does Minhyuk know? Did he see this?” Kihyun asks, waving the paper around in the air. “Where the fuck is he, by the way? Why isn’t he here?”

“He hasn’t seen it yet.” Jeonghan huffs out, running a hand through his long hair to ruffle it. He looks pissed and Kihyun can only imagine he looks the same. “He’s getting ready for the interviews upstairs.”  

“Fuck.” Kihyun groans. “Fuck, fuck, _fuck_! We are so fucked. This ruins everything we had planned.”

Jeonghan nods, rubbing his face with his palms. He suddenly looks very tired, face pale, eyes droopy like he hasn’t slept in a month. “What are we going to do now?”

“Talk to Hyungsoo?” Kihyun offers. “What did he have to say about this?”

“Let’s just say he wasn’t too pleased.” Jeonghan winces, slumping back down in his chair.

Fuck. This is going to be one hell of a week.

 

  
  
-

 

They have a group meeting with Hyungsoo later that day, who is more pissed off than the three of them combined. Turns out, half of the junior producers and the staff weren’t even aware of _Starship_ ’s sudden decision and it’s chaos; fifty or so people talking at the same time, asking the same questions that have been bothering Kihyun.

It takes Hyungsoo a few tries to get everyone to shut up, eyes looking like they might pop out of their sockets and roll down the middle of the conference table. It makes Kihyun laugh and he has to fake a cough and rub at his nose to appear normal when Hyungsoo turns around to face him, fixing him with a stare.

“We are fucked.” Hyungsoo sighs exasperatedly, voice a little rough from all the yelling Kihyun assumes he’d done today. He’s coming straight from a two-hour long meeting with the CEO and executive branch, but his clothes are still as perfectly pressed as they’d been this morning, not a single hair out of place.

“What are we gonna do now?” Minhyuk asks, and everyone’s attention shifts from Minhyuk to Hyungsoo, everyone waiting for their boss to tell them what to do.

“We eliminate someone tonight,” Hyungsoo speaks after a long pause. “We delete half of episode three and don’t sleep until it hits the air. And give me a fight before I fire all of you!”

There are muffled complaints coming from some of the interns and junior staff members that are standing at the other side of the room, the rest of them—the ones that have been working in the field longer— are silent, staring down at the table like it’s going to offer them a solution if they look at it long enough.

The meeting is over ten minutes later, everyone texting and calling their families and loved ones on their way out, letting them know they would be stuck at work for the next two days. Hyungsoo makes some of them stay behind so they could go over the details better, and by the time it’s over, Kihyun wonders if he would get out of this alive.

 

  
-

 

 

Kwangji is the first one to go.

There are tears, looks of anger and confusion written all over everyone’s faces as they stand in the middle of the room, all nine of them gathered around Kwangji who looks lost, defeated. He isn’t crying—doesn’t speak or shed a tear until they are back at their dorm and everyone is helping him pack, the small apartment cramped with all the people inside.

Reality finally catches up to him when they are all together in the living room and Jooheon starts telling the story of how they first met and how much he’s going to miss his older brother, the one that’s been there for Jooheon since day one. Kwangji starts crying, and then everyone else follows, shoulders shaking and heads hung low for the next hour or so.

They scatter off into different corners of the dorm afterwards, looking for any of Kwangji’s belongings that he could’ve missed, and Kihyun finds Hoseok sitting alone in the living room, in the same spot he’d been earlier.

He still has his makeup on, hair still pushed off his forehead and cemented into place, stiff with product. He’s sitting with his knees pressed to his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs, looking awfully young and small for someone of his age and built.

Kihyun settles down next to him, crossing his legs underneath himself. It’s quiet. Hoseok doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even bother looking at Kihyun when he walks into the room, eyes still fixated on some spot on the floor.  

“Are you okay?” Kihyun asks after a while. He shouldn’t—he really shouldn’t give a damn, shouldn’t ask Hoseok how he feels or offer some kind of comfort to him.

“No.” Hoseok scoffs, because it’s obvious, really.

“You knew what you were getting yourselves into.” Kihyun says. “You knew someone had to go.”

“Yeah, but—” Hoseok starts, raising his voice a notch. He stops, finally turning around to face Kihyun, the expression in his eyes unreadable. “It wasn’t supposed to go down like this. Not Kwangji.”

“Then would you prefer if it were you?” Kihyun asks, quirking a challenging brow. The look on Hoseok’s face darkens, jaw going tense in anger.  

Hoseok is about to say something, probably tell Kihyun to fuck off, but Kihyun cuts him off before the words could leave his mouth. “The show is called _No Mercy_ for a reason,” he says with a groan as he gets up from the ground, wincing when every bone in his body cracks and pops in protest. “This is not the right time to think of your friends, Hoseok. You are all in this alone.”

“Don’t you care? About what happens to us?” Hoseok calls out after Kihyun as he’s about to go check up on Minhyuk.

Kihyun scoffs, shaking his head. “It’s not my job to care, Hoseok.” He turns around, looking down at Hoseok with an incredulous smile on his face. “None of us do; that’s not why we’re here for, and caring would only make our job— which, by the way, is to get ratings and turn you guys into stars—harder.”

A muscle twitches in Hoseok’s jaw, lips set into an angry, thin line. He’s fuming, that much is obvious, but Kihyun doesn’t give a shit. As he said: he is not here to care.

Kihyun leaves before Hoseok could retaliate, before he could do something he would regret later on.

  
  
  
-

 

 

Things are tense afterwards. Not just between Kihyun and Hoseok, but between everyone else working on the show. Everyone is snippy and tired, arguing and making snide comments which actually works out pretty well in Kihyun’s favor.

Minhyuk has always been good at reading people and worming his way inside their heads, and the last thing Kihyun needs now is for Minhyuk to start asking questions about why he and Hoseok haven’t even looked at each other in the eye since Kwangji left, or why Kihyun has been letting Jisoo take over his interviews with Hoseok for three days in a row now. The more drama there is on set, the less time Minhyuk has to go sniffing around.

But everyone being stretched too thin and having to work long hours also means that they have to work in shifts and cover for each other. So, when the next round of interviews comes and Jisoo is taking a nap in a storage room somewhere, it’s time for Kihyun to start doing his job again.

They’ve been talking for the past five minutes now, going over the standard questions like, _are you tired_ , _do you have any complaints_ , or  _how have you been doing since Kwangji left_.

“Tell me,” Kihyun clears his throat, organizing the folder of documents in his lap to appear busy, to have an excuse not to look at Hoseok. “how long have you been working on the choreography?”

“A few days,” Hoseok starts. Kihyun can see him cross his legs from the corner of his eye, clasp his hands around his knee. “It’s actually something we used to work on before, just for fun.”

“Are you feeling confident you will be able to get everything done before tomorrow’s mission?” Kihyun hums, finally looking up. Their eyes meet and it sends a shiver crawling down Kihyun’s spine, making him squirm in his seat at the intensity of Hoseok’s glare.

“We will.” Hoseok nods, forcing a smile.

“It looks kinda sloppy now, though.” Kihyun prods, wincing. “Gunhee still hasn’t memorised his parts.”

Hoseok pulls a face at that, the tone of voice a little patronizing when he speaks. “Ah, Gunhee might not be confident in his dancing skills, but we’ve come up with the perfect solution to cover it up.”

“Anything you want to say to the viewers? A message of some sort?” Kihyun asks, unperturbed. They have enough material they could use for Hoseok’s interview and Kihyun thinks it’s time to wrap it up, move on to the next contestant.

“Uhm,” Hoseok’s smile turns soft then, a little shy, “just to watch our stage and cheer us on. I promise, you won’t be disappointed.” He grins, winks, does a little heart with his fingers and proceeds to cringe at himself, covering his face with his hands as if embarrassed.

It’s an act, a very obvious one, but Kihyun knows their viewers will eat it up regardless. Maybe Kihyun underestimated him, after all.

Kihyun slams the folder shut, throws it on the chair after he gets up from it and walks over to Hoseok so he could take his microphone off. “You are getting better at this,” Kihyun commends idly, “I’m actually impressed.”

“At what?” Hoseok scoffs. He slides a hand under his shirt to pull the microphone out, ends up lifting it up to his waist, accidentally exposing a strip of his stomach in an attempt to untangle the cord from where it’s been wrapped around his necklace. Kihyun averts his eyes, looking away.

“Acting.” Kihyun says, “Being in front of the cameras.”

Hoseok doesn’t say anything in return. He pulls his shirt back down, thanks everyone for their hard work with a bow and leaves without as much a look in Kihyun’s direction.

It leaves Kihyun feeling unsettled for the rest of the day.

  
  
  
-

 

 

“This Hoseok kid of yours,” Minhyuk says a few days later as they are watching the rerun of the first episode on TV in their hotel room, “he’s really hot.”  

Kihyun’s skin starts prickling all over. “You think so?” He asks disinterestedly, scratching at the label on his beer bottle.

“Yeah.” Minhyuk drawls out, eyes glued to the screen when the segment they filmed of Hoseok working out in the gym comes on. “He has a nice body.”

“I don’t know,” Kihyun shrugs, “I think Hyunwoo’s is better.”

“Too big,” Minhyuk waves him off, still a little distracted by the sight of Hoseok doing push-ups without a shirt on.

Kihyun looks away on purpose, grabs his phone to busy himself and clear his head, trying to stop himself from thinking about Hoseok like he’s been doing since their argument.  
  
  
  
  
-  


 

Getting Hyungsoo the fight he asked for is much easier than Kihyun thought it would be.

The ones that will definitely make it work are Hyungwon and Gunhee. Both incredibly talented but overshadowed by their peers, sharp-tongued and never afraid to speak up about the things bothering them. And the fact that both of them are incredibly stubborn is just the cherry on top.

They both have something to prove and that’s where Minhyuk and Kihyun come in; they give them a platform where they could speak up and the five minutes of fame they’d been promised.

They oil them up all day, not-so-accidentally let it slip out during the interviews that the other one had been going around talking shit, how Hyungwon is nothing but a pretty face and Gunhee is only on the show because of his cousin’s fame, and it only takes them a few hours to snap.

They are divided into two teams for the next mission and they are going over the line distribution when Hyungwon scoffs, rolling his eyes in obvious annoyance when Gunhee says he would like to get a bigger part this time around.

He's been doing it for the past hour or so, kept pulling faces every time Gunhee opened his mouth to speak, but this time it’s the final straw that gets Gunhee to speak up.

"You have a problem with that, pretty boy?" Gunhee asks almost immediately, too riled up by the false information Minhyuk fed to him earlier to refrain himself from commenting.

Hyungwon pulls the collar of his turtleneck up to his chin, burrows the lower half of his face in it before speaking. "What's the point of asking for more lines if you can't follow the beat?"

"But no one is asking you about it?" Gunhee shoots back instantly. "This is between me and Yoonho. It doesn't concern you."

"So you think you are better than Yoonho?" Hyungwon challenges, turning around to face Gunhee. "You are supposed to split the parts, not ask for more."

"Guys," Hyunwoo interrupts them, looking awkward as hell to be doing this in front of so many people and cameras. "Let's get back to work, okay? We can't afford to lose time we don’t have."

"I'm not arguing." Gunhee sniffs. "I just wanted to express my opinion."

"Should've kept it to yourself." Hyungwon murmurs, ignoring the look Hyunwoo gives him, reminding him there are cameras around recording every single thing they say and do.

"What the hell is your problem, man?" Gunhee snaps, finally raising his voice. The tips of his ears are turning red, his hands clenching and unclenching repeatedly over his thighs.

"It's showtime." Minhyuk leans over to whisper in Kihyun's ear, and Kihyun nods, gripping at the edge of his seat in anticipation.

"My problem?" Hyungwon's eyebrows fly up to his hairline. "My problem is that you think you are better than everyone else here just because you used to be an underground rapper, or whatever. That doesn't mean you are more talented than the rest of us."

"Guys, come on, let's—" Hyunwoo starts, but Hyungwon isn't done ranting, cuts Hyunwoo off before he could tell them to get back to work again. "Just be thankful for what you get instead of complaining about it all the time."

Gunhee blinks slwoly, obviously taken aback by everything Hyungwon just said, but it doesn't take him too long to retaliate. "At least I have a fucking talent, unlike you."

"Excuse me?" Hyungwon turns around to face Gunhee so fast, Kihyun swears he could hear Hyungwon’s neck snap all the way across the room.

"Yeah, you heard me." Gunhee spits out, hackles raised. "Being pretty is not a talent, pretty boy."

"Should we stop them?" Jisoo asks from somewhere behind Kihyun. He is about to turn around and tell him to get out when he hears a collective gasp coming from everyone in the room, and in the blink of an eye, Hyungwon's got his hand gripping onto the front of Gunhee's shirt and pulling him up from his seat, starts dragging him towards the door.

"Go, go, _go_!" Minhyuk hisses at the cameramen, leaping up from where he was sitting to chase after them, Kihyun hot on his heels.

It is absolute chaos all around. Everyone is panicking, especially Yoonho who keeps frantically apologizing to the crew and begging them to stop filming, and Hyunwoo who keeps yelling after them to stop fighting, calling after Hyungwon to let Gunhee go, but it's pointless.

They follow them down the hall and inside a little studio just in time for the money shot. Hyungwon has Gunhee pinned to the wall, holding him in place with one of his large hands around Gunhee's throat, but it's still not enough to stop Gunhee from landing the first punch. Hyungwon recovers from it fast enough though, slams Gunhee back against the wall and punches him in the jaw before Hyunwoo could push his way inside the room and pull them apart.

There's some blood and there are definitely going to be some bruises, too, but it's perfect, more than what Kihyun had been hoping for. Minhyuk hip checks him as they drag the trainees away from each other and into separate practice rooms so they would cool it off, both of them nursing matching ice packs as the crew is rushing around trying to set up the lights for the solo interviews as fast as possible. Hyungwon's nose looks red, a bit swollen, and it's definitely going to leave a nasty bruise, but it's far from being broken, so Kihyun can't really find it in him to care about being partially responsible for it.

He bumps into Hoseok as he's taking the tapes to the editing bay and he almost stops dead in his tracks when he sees the unimpressed look on Hoseok's face. He recovers from it at the last second and straightens up, keeps walking like nothing happened.

"Why do I feel like you had something to do with this?" Hoseok calls after him, after Kihyun has passed him by without as much as acknowledging his presence.

"Me?" Kihyun points at himself incredulously. "You really need to stop thinking the worst of me, Hoseok. I'm not as bad as you think."

It's the truth, really. He is much, _much_ worse.

"I'm guessing this was just a typical day at the office for you back in Hollywood?" Hoseok continues, not buying Kihyun's act. He smiles in a way that makes Kihyun stare at his mouth a few seconds longer than what is considered appropriate.

Kihyun shrugs it off. Hoseok isn't too far off with his assumption. Kihyun spent the better part of last year creatingmayhem in L.A. with Minhyuk on the set of _Enchanted_ ; blood, tears, heartbreak, betrayal. Exposed people's nastiest secrets on national television, made loyal friends stab each other in the back, and this—a little hissy fit between two barely-out-of-puberty kids that are too stubborn for their own good is _nothing_ compared to that.

But it isn't too long before Kihyun remembers why he's here, and that feeling of disgust and guilt is back once again, washing off the remnants of the adrenaline rush from earlier.

"Are you worried about your boyfriend?" Kihyun asks, referring to the rumors going around that he and Hyungwon are dating. "His nose will be fine. Nothing some editing and quality makeup can't cover up. Oh—" he pauses to gasp theatrically, “you should go over there and hold the ice pack for him. The fans are going to love it!"

"He's not my boyfriend." Hoseok says dryly. "But who cares about the facts as long as it sells, right?"

Kihyun shrugs. That's pretty much the gist of Kihyun's job.

"'Cause making money off people's misery is the only thing you care about, right?" Hoseok shakes his head, face twisting in disgust.

Kihyun chews on the inside of his cheek, breathes in slowly and doesn't say anything, doesn't try to stop Hoseok when he starts walking away, muttering something under his breath Kihyun can't hear.

It's only for the best.

  
  
  
-

 

Things take a turn for the worse after that.

Seokwon is the second one to go, and one of _Starship_ ’s ways of getting the boys’ spirits up is booking a club and throwing a private party with some of their best artists.

There's alcohol once the cameras stop rolling, and Hoseok is visibly drunk when they bump into each other in the hallway leading to the bathrooms. Kihyun is on his way out when he literally collides with Hoseok, their shoulders bumping.

“Watch where you're going.” Hoseok snarls, looking at Kihyun like he's the most disgusting person on Earth.

“I see someone still hasn't gotten over last week's fiasco.” Kihyun laughs, bitter and hollow. “Your boyfriend's nose is fine now, if you haven’t noticed.”

Hoseok straightens up, shoulders broad and square, muscles in his arms flexing under the thin material of his shirt. He looks like he wants to punch Kihyun and be done with him once and for all, but he doesn't correct Kihyun that he and Hyungwon aren’t dating like he did last time.

But all it manages to do is rile Kihyun up even further, stomach turning. “What? Cat got your tongue? You're not going to try to defend pretty boy’s honor?” He presses, taking a step forward, standing really close to Hoseok.

“Stop calling him that,” Hoseok threatens through gritted teeth.

“Calling him what, Hoseok?” Kihyun tilts his chin up. Kihyun might be older one between the two, but put next to each other, Kihyun looks like a kid compared to Hoseok. “Pretty boy? Your _boyfriend_?”

“Shut up.” Hoseok spits out. He looks threatening, Kihyun would be lying if he said otherwise. It's interesting, really, the kind of effect Kihyun has on someone as pure-hearted like Hoseok.

“Make me.” Kihyun says slowly, still staring Hoseok down.

And before Kihyun knows it, Hoseok is pushing him to the nearest wall, slamming their mouths together. Kihyun is stunned, at first. He was expecting a blow to the face, for Hoseok to walk off, maybe, but definitely not… _this_.

He kisses Hoseok back before he could pull away, runs his fingers through Hoseok’s hair and tugs on it when his teeth sink into Kihyun’s lower lip, hard enough to break the skin. It's electrifying, gets Kihyun’s blood rushing through his veins for the first time in what feels like ages.

“We shouldn't.” He says, pushing Hoseok back and against the opposite wall.

He plans on leaving. He knows he should walk out of here and pretend like the last five minutes never happened, but Hoseok is looking at him through hooded eyes, his lips parted and wet that Kihyun can't find it in him to look away, let alone leave.

So he kisses Hoseok again, keeping him pinned in place with his hands on Hoseok’s hips, tugs on Hoseok’s lower lip with his teeth hard enough to make it hurt when he breaks the kiss.

Hoseok hisses, gripping hard onto Kihyun’s shoulders. “Fuck you,” Hoseok grunts, licking at his lips. “You are so—” and Kihyun cuts him off by pressing his mouth over Hoseok’s pulse point and sucking on the skin there, sinking his teeth in.

“So _what_?” Kihyun prompts, wrapping his hand around Hoseok’s throat. He doesn’t apply any pressure; just keeps Hoseok in place, uses his hold to tilt Hoseok’s head up to stop him from looking away. He can feel every breath Hoseok takes against his palm, the way his Adam’s apple bobs ever so slightly next to Kihyun’s thumb, fascinated by it all. “What am I, Hoseok? Tell me.”

Hoseok’s eyes flutter shut when Kihyun nudges his legs apart enough to slot one of his in between, pushing his thigh up until he’s brushing up against Hoseok’s crotch. “Not here,” Hoseok rasps out, licking at his lips.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Kihyun nods, pulling back reluctantly, putting some distance between them.

For a moment Kihyun thinks that this is it, this is the end of their… _whatever_ this was, but Hoseok grabs him by the hand and starts leading him back inside the bathroom without even checking if there’s anyone else in there, kicking open the first stall he sees.

It’s all happening too fast, making Kihyun’s head dizzy as he tries to catch up. “I thought you hated me,” he says as Hoseok is locking the door behind him and dropping down on his knees with a flourish.

“Shut up,” Hoseok shoots him a glare, his fingers already tugging at Kihyun’s pants, “and help me out here, yeah?”

Kihyun chuckles but does what he’s been told, popping the button open as Hoseok pulls the zipper down, tugging on his briefs when Kihyun pushes his pants down so they are out of the way. “ _Fuck_ , Hoseok,” Kihyun breathes out, running his hand through Hoseok’s hair when Hoseok takes him into his hand, stroking him until he’s half-hard.

“Just so you know,” Hoseok says, as if an afterthought. “Giving you a blowjob in a public bathroom doesn't mean I like you.”

And whatever Kihyun was going to retort, dies at the back of his throat when Hoseok finally puts his mouth on him. Kihyun’s brain pretty much short-circuits after that, and all he can do is grip onto the wall and hope he doesn't fall over while Hoseok bobs his head up and down eagerly, looking up at Kihyun the entire time.

Hoseok looks so pretty like this, down on his knees with his lips stretched out thin and pupils blown wide. Kihyun strokes over Hoseok’s cheekbone with his thumb, wipes at the smudged eye shadow at the corner of his eye before carding his hand through Hoseok’s hair, tugging on it just to hear Hoseok whimper.

After he’s done, he slides his hand down the front of Hoseok’s tight skinny jeans and jerks him off quickly, kisses him one last time before it’s time for the trainees to leave. Hoseok looks completely wrecked by the time it’s over. His hair is sticking out on one side, face sweaty and flushed, lips bitten red and swollen. It’s an image Kihyun won’t be able to get out of his head for a very long time, maybe never.

“Where have you been?” Minhyuk yells in his ear once he goes back to the party.

“Out for a smoke.” Kihyun shrugs.

Minhyuk narrows his eyes in suspicion, looking like he’s about to ask Kihyun if he was really smoking somewhere for the past hour or so, when Soyou steps out on the stage and she has all of Minhyuk’s attention. Kihyun lets out a sigh of relief, walking over to the bar to order himself another drink. This is going to be a long night.

 

 

They fuck later that night, when they get back to their hotel. Minhyuk is just as drunk as Kihyun is, maybe more, and he purposely keeps trailing his hand up and down Kihyun’s thigh during the cab ride, pressed to Kihyun’s side close enough to earn them a few sideways glances from their driver.

He fucks Minhyuk against the door, into the mattress and he can’t stop thinking about Hoseok the entire time he’s doing it. He wonders if this is how eager Hoseok would be if they ever got to fuck, whether he would ask for more, ask Kihyun to go faster and harder like Minhyuk is doing right now.

Kihyun feels revolted after it’s over, goes to the bathroom to throw up once Minhyuk has fallen asleep, keeps tossing and turning around in his bed all night afterwards, unable to fall asleep.

  
  
  
-

 

 

Going to work the following morning is torture. For starters, he will have to spend the rest of his day either filming Hoseok or going over footage of him, and then talk to him about last night's party. And if that wasn't bad enough, he's having the worst hangover of his life, probably worse than all the ones he had during college combined together.

In the end, Kihyun decides not to take Hoseok’s interview. He sits through Gunhee’s before he starts feeling nauseated all over again and lets Jisoo take care of the rest. He knows it’s unprofessional and that he should suck it up and do his damn job, but it’s not like what he did last night was professional to begin with.

He pours himself his fourth cup of coffee for the day and sneaks downstairs so he could be alone, away from all the noise and chatter about last night and goes home earlier than he’s supposed to.

  
  
  
-

 

It happens again, after a week of carefully avoiding each other, and it doesn’t stop there.

  


-

 

 

It all starts when Gunhee and Hyungwon get caught making out on tape, and Kihyun spends the better part of the day arguing with Minhyuk on whether they should inform Hyungsoo about it or keep it to themselves.

The thing is, if the circumstances were different, Kihyun wouldn’t have spent a second hesitating what to do with it. He would’ve edited it out himself and sent it in without even consulting his superiors. But the first thing Kihyun had learned after coming back is that the way things operate here is much different than what he’s used to.

Minhyuk just laughs incredulously, shaking his head. “He should see it and make this decision himself.”

“You do realize what’s going to happen if Hyungsoo sees this, right?” Kihyun argues, raising his voice. “This is going to be on national television, Minhyuk. Not only are we going to get in trouble, but so will they.”

“So what?” Minhyuk cries out. “They knew what they were signing themselves up for! It’s their fault they weren’t more careful.”

“Stop using that as an excuse for everything.” Kihyun sighs, exasperated. He slumps down in his chair and rubs his hands over his face, too tired to be arguing with Minhyuk over something they shouldn’t even be arguing about in the first place. “It’s going to ruin them. Can’t you see that?”

“No, it won’t.” Minhyuk scoffs. “And when did you become so sensitive? A year ago you wouldn’t have bothered to ask me what to do.”

“Yeah, and then what happened?” Kihyun practically yells, getting up from his seat. “Look at where we are now, Minhyuk! This isn’t Hollywood anymore.”  
Minhyuk looks perplexed, like that hadn’t even crossed his mind until now. He blinks slowly and the angry look in his eyes softens, closes his mouth when he comes up short of things to say. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t try to stop Kihyun either when he grabs the hard drive and walks out of the room, going over to the agency to meet with the boys.

 

 

-

 

 

It’s late when he comes back to the hotel. Minhyuk is still up, sitting on the couch and working on something on his laptop, and he closes the lid gently when Kihyun walks over to sit beside him, setting it aside on the coffee table.

“What happened?” He asks carefully, idly tracing over the floral patterns of the cushion with his index finger.

Kihyun takes his jacket off and throws it throws it on the coffee table, takes the watch off his wrist next. “I destroyed the tapes.”

“Did you talk to them?” Minhyuk asks almost immediately.

“Yeah.” Kihyun “They looked so terrified, even after I deleted everything in front of them. It was awful.”

Minhyuk hums in understanding. “Sometimes I manage to forget about it,” he starts, speaking slowly, “somehow push it to the back of my brain so I don’t end up thinking about it, and I get too carried away.”

“I wish I could do that.” Kihyun snorts, managing a smile when Minhyuk scoots closer and throws an arm over his shoulders.

It makes Minhyuk laugh a little, the sound of it hollow and sad. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Kihyun asks even though he knows the answer to his question, but it’s always nice to hear Minhyuk admit he’s been wrong about something and apologize for it.

Minhyuk makes a little sound at the back of his throat, rolling his eyes playfully. “For being an asshole.” He says, fast enough to make the words sound unintelligible. “Are we good now?”

“Yeah.” Kihyun laughs, resting his head on Minhyuk’s shoulder. “Always.”

“So are they like, together, or something?” Minhyuk asks suddenly. “Were they doing it before the fight?”

“Or something,” Kihyun says, “I didn’t ask for the details, but yeah. They were doing it for a while now, actually.”

Minhyuk lets out a little _huh_ , eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “Who would’ve thought.”

  
  
  
-

 

 

It takes Hoseok another week to stop avoiding him and seek him out on his own.

 

  
  
-

 

They haven’t seen much of each other since that night, only around the hallways and during the interviews.

Kihyun is taking a break at his usual place, and he is halfway done with his coffee when Hoseok joins him. It shouldn’t be surprising, seeing how this is also Hoseok’s secret hiding place, but it still manages to take Kihyun by surprise.

“Hyungwon told me about what happened.” Hoseok is the first one to break the awkward silence. “That was surprisingly nice of you.”

“I told you,” Kihyun sighs. “I’m not as bad as you think I am.”

“Clearly,” Hoseok ducks his head, looking down at his shoelaces.

“Is that all?” Kihyun gets up, throwing the cigarette into the almost empty coffee cup to put it out as he waits for Hoseok to respond, and realizes how close they are standing next to each other when he lifts his head up to look at him.

“Yeah,” Hoseok breathes out, dropping his gaze down to Kihyun’s mouth. He doesn’t bother looking away and it leaves Kihyun frozen on the spot, the anticipation making his stomach flip-flop. “I guess, yeah…” he trails off, and when he leans in for a kiss, Kihyun makes sure to meet him halfway.

  


-

 

 

The ratings start dropping after the fifth episode. It makes Hyungsoo even more insufferable and demanding than he usually is, which means that every member of their staff is miserable as well by extension.

They edit everything they film until it’s twisted and as far away from the truth as possible, give the show a much darker premise than before, especially after Minkyun gets eliminated.

Everyone is crying. Even some of the interns get a little choked up when Soyou reluctantly announces the results of the latest mission. Kihyun’s eyes go immediately to Hoseok, watching him closely as he stands at the corner of the stage with his back turned to the cameras, shoulder shaking as he cries.

He wishes he could leave everything and go to his side, be there for Hoseok if he’d let him. They’ve made out a few times since Hoseok started speaking to him again—down in the basement or in the studio Hoseok locks himself up in every night, but Kihyun knows this is a bad time for Hoseok and that a part of him will always hold Kihyun accountable for the outcomes, afraid of getting Hoseok even more upset like he did the first time he tried to comfort him.

Almost everyone else is gathered around Minkyun, holding him close as they all sob in unison. Hyungwon is crouching down next to them with his hands covering his face, Gunhee standing over him with his hand on Hyungwon’s shoulder. It’s sad, watching them together like that. Even Minhyuk gets a bit sniffy when Minkyun tries to laugh it off and pretend like he’s not sad for getting kicked off the show, trying his hardest to reassure his hyungs that it’s alright, he’ll be fine.

It takes them some time to calm down, get their makeup retouched and hair fixed so they could resume filming, and by the time they are finished and everyone is too busy packing up, Kihyun sneaks off backstage so he could check up on Hoseok, even if it’s for a second.

“Hey,” he approaches Hoseok gently, preparing to leave the second Hoseok were to ask him to. “Are you feeling better?”

The expression on Hoseok’s face is unreadable. He looks a little lost, dazed, like he’s still having trouble wrapping his head around the events of tonight. It takes him some time to respond. “No, not really.”

“Is there anything I could do for you?” Kihyun offers uncertainly, the only thing he can do right now.

“No,” Hoseok looks at him but he’s clearly out of it, looking straight through Kihyun like he’s a ghost. “I don’t know.”

“You should go back to the dorm.” Kihyun suggests lamely out of lack of better things to say. “Get some rest. It will be better in the morning.”

Hoseok nods and his upper lip begins to quiver like he’s about to start crying again, walks away before Kihyun could witness it happening.

 

  
  
  
-

 

 

Kihyun thinks about asking Hoseok out a lot, wants to take him out on a date or maybe just get the chance to spend some quality time with him someplace far away from all the studios and practice rooms. But he can’t, shouldn’t, considering the circumstances.

And besides, it’s not like either of them has the time to go out for more than an hour at a time. Hoseok’s training is even more intense now that _No Mercy_ is getting closer to the end, and Kihyun’s workload is insane, thanks to Hyungsoo’s ridiculous demands.

But he does it anyway, thinking, he should at least ask, no matter what Hoseok’s answer might be.

“Hey,” Kihyun calls out after Hoseok before running back upstairs. They spent twenty minutes making out in the basement, and Minhyuk has been on his case and screaming into his ear to come back for the past five. “What are you doing tonight?”

Hoseok turns around to face him, smiling. “Are you about to ask me out on a date?”

“No, it's not a date.” Kihyun blurts out, a really lame attempt to save face. “I know you aren't allowed to go out a lot, but wanna grab something to eat later?”

“That sounds a lot like a date to me,” Hoseok lilts, stepping closer to Kihyun, reaching out to smooth out the wrinkles he’d made clutching onto Kihyun’s shirt earlier with his hand.

“It will be two consenting adults getting a bite to eat at like, midnight.” Kihyun snorts. “That hardly counts as a date.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” Hoseok hums, presses a kiss to the corner of Kihyun’s mouth. “Pick me up after you're finished with work?”

“Okay,” Kihyun nods. “See you then.”

  
  
  
-

 

 

“Tell me something,” Hoseok starts as they are waiting for their order to arrive. They are at a small noodle place near the building, the only customers inside at this hour. “How did you end up doing this?”

“It was to save up money, really,” Kihyun can't help but smile fondly at the memory. “I wanted to become this serious movie maker, like make documentaries about climate change and poverty, things like that. But one morning I woke up and realized I've been doing it for the past three years, and well…”

“You just went along with it?” Hoseok offers helpfully, and Kihyun nods, muttering out a _yeah_.

“I was good at it too. And the pay wasn't bad, so. Here I am now.” Kihyun finishes off lamely. “What about you? When did you realize this is what you wanted to do?”

Hoseok looks like he's trying to do the math in his head, mouth moving slightly as he counts. “It was probably after I got injured and couldn't swim any more.” Hoseok eventually says. The old lady working at the restaurant brings over their food and they thank her, start filling up their plates immediately. “I suddenly had a lot of free time on my hands, so I started taking dance lessons at a class my friend was teaching for a while. He was the one who told me I should audition.”

“Do you ever regret doing it?” Kihyun asks.

“Not really.” Hoseok shrugs. “I mean, in a way I do? Because of my parents and everything going on at home, but otherwise... no.”

“Even if you are spending the best years of your life locked up in a practice room?” Kihyun teases.

Hoseok laughs. “I always thought that makes no sense; the best years of your life. Life is what you make of it,” he shrugs easily, pausing to take a sip of his water. “The best years of your life can be in your forties, or your seventies. So what if you’re young if you happen to be miserable? Age has nothing to do with it.”

Kihyun has never thought of it like that. He chews on his noodles, going over what Hoseok said in his head. He has a point. You can be young and still be miserable.

“But don't get me wrong,” Hoseok continues after a while. “Sometimes I do feel like I should be out partying with my friends instead of taking vocal lessons, but I've done all of that already. Going out every night and getting drunk gets old after a while.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Kihyun groans, suddenly remembering his early years in college, how he and Minhyuk and their friends used to stay up all night to party and then slept during their morning classes.

“Having flashbacks to when you were young, old man?” Hoseok grins mischievously, stealing one half of the boiled egg in Kihyun’s bowl.

“I am five years older than you.” Kihyun says dryly. “I’m not fifty.”

Hoseok holds his chopsticks to his mouth as he chews, eyes sparking playfully. “If you say so.”

“Shut up and eat your food,” Kihyun mutters, can’t stop himself from smiling. “and stop stealing mine.”

 

 

-

 

 

“Where have you been lately?” Minhyuk demands the second Kihyun gets back from his fifth date-thing with Hoseok. “I feel like I haven't seen you in ages.”

“Uhm, work? Where else would I be?” Kihyun acts like he doesn't know exactly what Minhyuk is referring to.

“No, even when we're at work I feel like I barely see you. Why is that?”

“Because we work on different floors with different people?” Kihyun points out. He takes a bottle of water from the fridge and fiddles with it before opening it, taking a sip to buy himself some time. “We are always together at the editing bay. And at home, too. Is that not enough for you?”

“You're hiding something from me.” Minhyuk accuses, narrowing his eyes down to slits, accessing Kihyun carefully. “Even at home you seem very… distant. What's going on?”

A part of Kihyun wants to laugh at Minhyuk for taking this long to notice something's been going on, because it's been almost a month of fooling around, and even more since the entire thing even began. Minhyuk’s sixth sense is usually sharper than this. He might be really starting to lose his touch, after all.

But the rational part of him is aware that he can't make fun of Minhyuk like he wishes he could, because that would also mean he would have to come clean about his thing with Hoseok, and that's the last thing Kihyun wants to do right now.

“There's nothing going on, god,” Kihyun grumbles in annoyance, trying to get Minhyuk off his back. “Stop being so paranoid.”

“I'll get to the bottom of this.” Minhyuk says confidently, grabbing the bottle of water from Kihyun’s hands before walking out on the balcony.

 _Asshole_ , Kihyun mutters to himself as Minhyuk slams the door behind him shut.

  
  


-

 

 

When they get the chance to spend the night together, Kihyun doesn’t hesitate for a second before he ask Hoseok if he would like to come over.

Minhyuk is at some family gathering back home, to which Kihyun was also invited but turned down politely using work as an excuse.

They go out for ice cream and take a walk along the Han River before going to Kihyun’s hotel room, and Hoseok is kissing him the second the elevator doors slide shut, hard and desperate, pinning him against the mirrored walls.

It’s a little rushed at first because it’s what they’re used to. They leave a trail of their clothes on the floor leading to the bed—Kihyun’s—and fall on top of it together with their legs tangled, hands roaming all over, laughing.

It’s better than anything Kihyun could’ve imagined. Hoseok is impatient, keeps whining needily as Kihyun slides a finger inside, clawing red lines down Kihyun’s back once Kihyun adds two more, crooks them just right.

“C’mon,” he cries out, kissing Kihyun sloppily.

“What do you want, Hoseok?” Kihyun asks, cradling Hoseok’s face in his hand. “Tell me.”

“I—” Hoseok starts, cutting himself off with a loud gasp when Kihyun slides his fingers out. “Please. Fuck me, _please_.”

Hoseok falls apart easily, folds himself in half as Kihyun fucks into him, moaning and begging Kihyun for more the entire time. He melts into the mattress, back arching beautifully when he comes, collapsing onto the bed as Kihyun fucks him through it, no longer able to hold himself upright.

 

“There are rumors going around," Hoseok starts a while after they’ve showered, unsure whether he should continue or stop there. "About you and Minhyuk. Why you were sent here."

"I don't doubt it." Kihyun mutters. He can already tell where this conversation is going.

"The first time I had to make someone cry, I felt so awful I ended up throwing up in a trashcan on set." Kihyun pulls a face at the memory. "I wanted to quit afterwards, but quitting meant i had to come back home and I wasn't ready to throw it all away just yet."

"What happened after that?" Hoseok asks, lifting himself up on his elbow so he could look at Kihyun as he speaks.

"I guess somewhere along the way I just... stopped caring." Kihyun shrugs. "Or I just got used to it. Didn't realize how much I had changed until we had to come here with Minhyuk."

"Yeah," Hoseok clears his throat, casting his eyes down to his own hands. "I read about you guys and what happened."

Kihyun shifts, pulls the sheets up to his chin on instinct. He wants to do nothing but disappear right now, never come back. "We don't have to talk about that if you don't want to. It's okay." Hoseok reassures him, wrapping his hand gently around Kihyun's wrist.

"No, I—It's okay." Kihyun swallows around the sudden lump at the back of his throat. "Had to go to therapy. Both of us."

"What happened?" Hoseok worries at his bottom lip with his teeth.

"We fucked up," Kihyun lets out a little huff at that. "We always do background checks on anyone that goes on the show, especially the contestants, but I guess this time we weren't as thorough as we should've been?"

"So that's how it happened?" Hoseok asks, and he's getting up now on his knees, crawling over Kihyun's body until he's settled onto his lap, arms loose around Kihyun's neck.

"Yeah. Her medical record was sealed, but that never stopped us before." Kihyun sighs, fiddling with the belt on Hoseok's bathrobe. "God, we've managed to find dirt about cousins twice removed, but this time we were in a hurry, and..."

"Do you know why she did it?" Hoseok asks, eyebrows pulled together in the middle in worry.

"We pushed her so hard," Kihyun rubs at his eyes with his knuckles. He can already feel the tears as they start to well up at the corners, that familiar tightness in his throat. "I don't know what made her do it. I don't even remember what we said to her before she got up on that stage. We didn't even see it coming."

"It's okay," Hoseok whispers when Kihyun finally starts crying, the tears hot as they slide down his face. "I'm sure you did everything you could to stop her."

"She started crying," Kihyun closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. The images from that night are blurry, grainy, flashing through his head in slow motion, always in a different order. "Everyone was too focused on getting the perfect shot of her breakdown, that no one even noticed her taking out the gun. The show was canceled after that and we got sent out here, like some sort of punishment, I don't know."

"I'm sorry," Hoseok's voice cracks. He pulls Kihyun into a hug and threads his fingers through Kihyun's hair, down the bumps of his spine and up again, the motion gentle and comforting. "It wasn't your fault."

Kihyun wishes he could believe him. He holds onto Hoseok the entire time he cries and falls asleep in Hoseok's embrace.

 

The next morning he wakes up with a headache, but his heart feels lighter, just a little bit.

 

 

-

 

 

It doesn’t take long for Minhyuk to find out about them.

Kihyun was fine sneaking around with Hoseok and not telling Minhyuk about it, didn’t think it would be necessary since they’ve come this far without getting caught; and what’s a few more weeks, really? But Kihyun dropped his guard down, forgot about Minhyuk’s warning about getting to the bottom of everything.

“I saw you guys when you were going downstairs.” Minhyuk speaks calmly, but Kihyun can tell he’s anything but. “The basement, right? That’s where you keep disappearing off to every day?”

Kihyun crosses his arms across his chest, doesn’t say anything. The last thing he needs right now is being judged by Minhyuk, the same guy who spent the majority of _Enchanted_ ’s first season fucking around with their contestants, even with the bachelor himself on more than one occasion.

“You do realize this won't lead anywhere, right?” Minhyuk says bluntly once the silence has dragged on for too long. “Because you won't be able to see each other once Hoseok debuts, and we'll probably be back in L.A. by then.”

Kihyun would be lying if he said he hadn't given it a thought before. Obviously, he's thought about his relationship with Hoseok and the lengths it could go to, but he's always stopped himself halfway-through, right before he could really dive into the matter. It makes him feel anxious, just thinking about it. It's been a very long time since Kihyun has last been with someone he liked as much as he likes Hoseok, and having to say goodbye to him breaks his heart.

“Are you sure he's not just fucking you because you are the producer of the show?” Minhyuk asks carelessly, like he doesn't realize how insensitive he's being. He doesn't apologize until Kihyun shoots him an irritable glare from the corner of his eye. “I'm sorry, but I'm just pointing out the obvious here. Someone has to.”

“He's not like that,” Kihyun waves him off dismissively, but he still takes a moment to reconsider Minhyuk’s words.

Come to think of it, Hoseok never really mentions the show when they're together, doesn't ask Kihyun about the final lineup or for any favors, never alluded to wanting or expecting some kind of special treatment from Kihyun just because they are together.

“I can tell when people are trying to take advantage of me, don't worry. I’m not twelve.”

“Hey, can't blame me for thinking otherwise,” Minhyuk shrugs. “Just make sure you know what you want and be clear about it, okay? That way neither one of you gets hurt.”

Minhyuk drops the subject, goes back to restlessly switching the channels like he did before they started having this conversation. It's a little surprising. Kihyun expected more screeching and at least a few dramatic outbursts instead of… this.

“Hey,” he speaks, giving the back of Minhyuk’s hand a pat. “Thank you.”

“Always, bro.” Minhyuk smiles softer than he has in a long time, and takes Kihyun’s hand in his before he could pull back, squeezing down on it in reassurance.

  
  
  
-

 

Since all of the trainees that were supposed to be eliminated before the finale are gone by episode seven, Hyungsoo and the representatives from the agencyhave decided to throw in another kid into the mix, spice things up at the very end.

“We’re going to make him the villain.” Hyungsoo grins dangerously, alternating between staring pointedly at Minhyuk and Kihyun like he’s looking for praise for being oh-so smart. “And who cares if the kid debuts or not. At least he will get his name out there.”

They make Changkyun’s entrance dramatic, making everyone there stop eating, putting their chopsticks and drinks down on the table. Changkyun stands there awkwardly, hands clasped tightly in front of him, back straight.

Hoseok is the first one to break the ice. “What’s going on?” He asks, looking curiously at Changkyun.

“This—” Junggigo starts, getting up from his seat to stand next to Changkyun, clapping him on the back. “is I.M. I believe everyone here is already familiar with him?”

The looks of disbelief and shock are written on all of their faces. I.M—or Changkyun, has been a trainee for quite some time now, way before _No Mercy_ even started. According to Hyungsoo, he was briefly considered to join the show but the company decided it would be better not to include him; at least, not at first.

The kid is young, the youngest of the bunch, quiet and kind of a loner, but he’s talented. More than Gunhee or Yoonho, almost as good as Jooheon. He knows everyone sitting at the table, has trained alongside them for months. He’s not a stranger to them, but the viewers don’t need to know that.

They are going to carefully edit this footage, make it look like none of the trainees had even heard of Changkyun before he showed up out of nowhere and informed them he would be joining them for the final mission, giving them a bow, asking them to look after him and treat him kindly.

“Is this a joke?” Gunhee laughs but the sound of it dies out quickly once he realizes that the situation is serious. “What is going on?”

“Yeah, bro, why are you here?” Jooheon eyes him suspiciously.

“He is going to be joining the show.” Junggigo announces. “He will be moving in with you at the dorms and work with you during the final episodes.”

The silence that follows is expected, exactly the reaction they were hoping for.

  
  
  
-

 

 

The interviews following Changkyun’s introduction are predictable.

“I don’t like this,” Gunhee says bluntly, “Does he think he could just waltz in here at the very end and win, just like that?”

“The timing is very bad,” Hoseok says carefully, lips set into a frown. “We’ve been through a lot together… it feels like he’s trying to freeload on what we’ve managed to accomplish so far. It’s not fair.”

“Ah, this is starting to get on my nerves,” Yoonho declares, scratching at his forehead with his knuckles. “I wanted to tell him to piss off, you know?” He stops to laugh for a second, then, “Please tell me this is a joke.”

“This is beyond merciless,” Jooheon sighs and doesn’t say anything for the rest of the interview.

Changkyun breaks down into tears, starts crying only seconds after sitting down. “I’m sorry. I know—I know it’s not fair, but I want to debut too.”

"People are going to love hating him, and the ones who do like him will come to his defense,” Hyungsoo rubs his hands together like a cliché villain from a cartoon. “It’s going to be so entertaining to watch it all go down.”

Kihyun has to restrain himself from punching Hyungsoo in the face, and mutters out a quiet _yeah_ as enthusiastically as he possibly could at the moment.

  


-

 

 

The last episode will be filmed live, so they take a four week break between episodes eight and nine. They take the trainees to Jeju to film the music videos for their self-composed songs from the latest mission, get enough footage of them exploring the island and doing normal things to fill in the gaps between sets during the finale.

It's nice to see all of them outside and breathing in fresh air for a change. Kihyun can't help but follow Hoseok with his eyes wherever he goes, heart swelling with joy at seeing Hoseok bouncing up and down in excitement all day, running around carefree and having fun with his friends for the first and last time in god knows how long.

 

They spend the last night in Jeju together. Minhyuk got himself his own room down the hall to give them some privacy, despite the disapproving sighs and passive aggressive comments he’s been making about Kihyun’s relationship with Hoseok since he found out, reminding Kihyun to be careful yet again.

They skip dinner and lock themselves up in Kihyun’s room, order room service and eat on the bed, laughing the entire time. It's their last chance to spend some quality time together. After they get back to Seoul the trainees can go home to visit their families for a week before the real preparations begin, and after that it will be nothing but practicing and sleeping until their debut.

Kihyun doesn't have to rush, doesn’t have to be so careful anymore, can leave marks all over Hoseok’s body and suck bruises onto his skin that will fade away by the time they have to get back to work.

He pushes Hoseok back down on the bed, nudging his legs apart. He goes slow, taking his time to map out Hoseok’s body with his lips, the tips of his fingers. He memorizes every dip and curve, every muscle and bone, follows along the edges of Hoseok’s tattoos with the same fascination he had the first time he got to see them in person.

“Gunhee has the same one,” Hoseok explains when Kihyun starts tracing out the letters inked on the side of Hoseok’s right foot. “It was like, our motto when we were in _Nu Boyz_ together.”

“The others didn't get one?” Kihyun asks, wrapping his fingers around Hoseok’s ankle, right under the anklet he likes to wear there.

“Jooheon and Hyunwoo aren't that big on tattoos,” Hoseok chuckles, wiggling his foot. “It’s ticklish,” he mutters, trying to squirm away. “Gunhee and I didn't care much.”

“Was this your first one?” Kihyun slides his hand up Hoseok’s leg, briefly pausing at the scars on his knee, leans in to press a kiss over them too.

“Yeah.” Hoseok smiles, “I got the other one a few months later.”

Kihyun shifts his attention to the tattoo in question, strokes over it with his thumb. “Did it hurt?”

Hoseok’s ducks his head a little to hide his face, like he’s embarrassed to admit it when he says, “a little.”

“Would you get more?” Kihyun looks up at him as he presses his mouth over Hoseok’s thigh, over each letter there.

“Probably.” Hoseok gasps. “One day. When I have the time and money.”

“Do you have anything in mind?” Kihyun moves higher, nuzzling his face over the jut of Hoseok’s hip bone before pulling back, leaning in for a kiss.

“Another quote,” Hoseok speaks in between kisses. “Important dates, maybe.”

They kiss lazily for a while, soft, gentle kisses that make Kihyun’s heart ache. Hoseok rolls them over so he could be on top of Kihyun, kisses him one last time before settling down next to him, resting his head on top of Kihyun’s chest.

“What happens after we go home?” Hoseok asks, chin digging into Kihyun’s sternum as he speaks.

“I don’t know,” Kihyun admits. Showtime is in three weeks and Kihyun still doesn't know whether he’s supposed to go back in L.A. or stay here some more.

“I don’t want this day to end.” Hoseok burrows his face against Kihyun’s neck, holds onto him tighter. “I wanna stay here with you like this forever.”

“Me too,” Kihyun nudges Hoseok’s chin up, lifting his head up so they could kiss again.

Hoseok shifts his weight around, throws one of his legs over Kihyun’s so he’s pressing up against his hip as they rut against each other, the pace turning faster and more desperate the more they kiss. Hoseok gets up once it gets too much, straddles Kihyun’s thighs as he fiddles with the bottle of lube, lowers himself down onto Kihyun’s cock with a choked off moan.

He goes slow. Hoseok is a little stretched out from earlier but still perfectly tight around Kihyun’s cock, and he doesn't wait to get adjusted to the stretch, starts to move immediately. He grinds down, rolling his hips the way he does on stage, movements fluid and precise that make Kihyun’s head swim with arousal.

Kihyun doesn't rush it. He lets Hoseok set the pace and simply follows after him, snaps his hips up to fuck into Hoseok when he goes down, holds onto Hoseok’s thighs, his hips, leaves marks down the length of his torso. Hoseok’s knees dig into Kihyun’s sides, his strong thighs trembling and squeezing around Kihyun when he comes, spilling all over himself and Kihyun’s stomach.

Hoseok cries out, collapses on top of Kihyun again. He’s whimpering, gripping fistfuls of the bed sheets between his fingers as Kihyun fucks him through it, holding their bodies pressed together tight the entire time.

 

 

-

 

 

Kihyun already knows what the results would be like, the name that will be given to the group, even their debut date. He knows everything, yet can't help but feel anxious as the MC calls out their names one by one, clutching onto the clipboard so hard he wonders if he could snap it in half.

They are down to two members now; Hoseok and Gunhee, the rest already standing on the platform at the front of the stage, all of them holding hands, their heads hung low as they cry.

“Calm down,” Minhyuk sneaks up behind him to whisper in his ear, making him jump up in surprise. He’s been on edge all day, running on coffee and no sleep, his heart leaping up to his throat whenever someone around him moves, which happens virtually every second. “God, why you are so fucking tense?”

“I’m not,” Kihyun spits out, though there’s no venom to it. “I’m _fine_.”

“You are practically _vibrating_!” Minhyuk exclaims, planting his hands firmly on Kihyun’s shoulders to keep him in place. “Look, it’s going to be fine. You know it will.”

“Yeah, but this is different.” Kihyun shrugs him off and slaps his hand over Minhyuk’s mouth to shut him up when it’s time for the last winner to be announced. “Fuck. This is it.”

The silence drags itself on for what feels like hours to Kihyun, and the entire crowd starts cheering and screaming when Hoseok’s name gets called and he steps out on the last remaining space on the platform next to Jooheon. He’s shocked, and when he turns to his right to look backstage and their eyes meet, he grins at Kihyun, big and bright and beautiful, starts crying when Hyungwon pulls him in for a hug.

“See?” Minhyuk nudges him with his elbow. “He’s in.”

“Yeah.” Kihyun grins, heart pounding in his chest. He knew about it for months, but it still feels surreal, even now after it's been officially announced.

Minhyuk laughs at him, slaps him on the back and pulls him in for a hug, pressing his lips to Kihyun’s temple. “When did you become so sappy?” He asks, shaking Kihyun around like a rag doll.

  


-

 

 

“So,” Hoseok starts after everyone has finished congratulating him for making it into the final six. “How do you feel about going out on a date with an idol?”

Kihyun chuckles, tipping his head back. He pulls Hoseok in, wrapping his arms around Hoseok’s middle. “You’re not an idol yet.”

“I’m gonna be one very soon, though.” Hoseok says cheekily, a huge grin spreading over his lips. “What do you say, huh? Wanna go out with me tomorrow night?”

The truth is, Kihyun doesn’t know what’s going to happen next; doesn’t know whether he’s going to stay here or go back to his old life in L.A., or if he’s ever going to see Hoseok again after he debuts, but right now, with Hoseok in his arms like this, Kihyun lets himself be selfish one last time and simply enjoy the moment while it lasts.

“Only if you’re paying.” Kihyun hums after a beat, giving Hoseok’s lips a peck, feeling happier than he has in years.

**Author's Note:**

> um this ended up being super long??? and super awful too and i'm sorry if you clicked the link and got disappointed. if you managed to stick around til the end, then thank you, and once again, i am _very_ sorry u___u
> 
> /as always, u can find me at [twitter](https://twitter.com/hyungkihyuk) or [CC](https://curiouscat.me/kihos) uwu
> 
> p.s. let me know if there's anything you think i should tag cos i always forget something


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